ever have someone tell you to stand up straight? look you in the eye when they're talking?

on work as an excuse

Your job is not a woman that should come between us, friend. (quote from William of East Orange)

Let me be plain; I call bullshit on all people complacent in allowing work to seep into their nuts and begin controlling their lives. Further, I will no longer accept work as an excuse for my being stood up, canceled on or just plain forgotten about once mutual plans, engagements or outings have been agreed upon.
We all must work; I have zero sympathy for those defenseless against “work creep”. It isn’t a virus that’s going around, shit, even if it were, I’d doubt any of these ass-kissers would call in sick. If there’s something better to do that warrants a no-show, ok, but I won’t hear an excuse due to a heavy work load at the office, or perceived load due to an inflated schedule, or because of “corporate guilt”- the insane notion that because another employee in another cube is working late, that these work whores should too- or because THESE WHORES are the kiss-ass perpetuator of “corporate guilt”, who thinks that working late, long hours and neglecting their personal lives is what the company wants. Well, it is what the company wants. And they’ll probably get a raise and a promotion, maybe buy a house out in Vallejo. Then we, as their dear, neglected friend’s can say to them at their housewarming: Congratu-fucking-lations. When you cede control of your time, then you cede control of your life. That is also what the company wants. The company is a selfish bastard. Fuck the company.
What has the company ever given you but a paycheck?

Let’s also be straight and define “Work as an Excuse”, because our loved ones who are so deluded with work may not even comprehend that they are one of these losers. First of all, “having to work” is not the same as staying late because there are “fires to put out”, “a meeting ran late” or “a client is up our ass”. Having to work is a necessity, we all know that, wrong and evil as it may be. But work is a finite function, which happens for eight or so hours sometime after one wakes up but before one goes to bed. A workday is not literally a whole fucking twenty-four hours. A workday isn’t even double-digit hours. If I must be technical a work day is only eight hours, this isn’t just my lazy aversion to work talking here, it’s actually a law enacted in 1916 called the Adamson Act and further clarified in 1938 by the Fair Labor Standards Act (put links to these). So in essence, if you are one of these folks I’m talking about, you’re not only breaking the law, you’re also an idiot and are pissing on the graves of our forefathers who had to fight like hell to even get an eight hour day. What an asshole.
Mostly, it is either an ego or a control issue with these poor folks. Neither group listens much to reason. Ego driven workers perform tasks for reasons sane people do not understand. Let me explain. These folks say, if I don’t do a color specific bar chart on the presentation, who will? They don’t want to hear; who the fuck would miss a color specific bar chart, much less care about it? They are martyrs of work, willing to sacrifice themselves, but not for some noble cause, not even because they love their job, but so they can sit there in the stupid meeting and say,
“If you’ll notice the color specific bar chart on page 354 signifies our third quarter growth in previously weak markets.”
Though the promotions and raises and phony corporate accolades like the fake trophies handed out during “team building exercises”, which signify absolutely nothing in the eyes of mankind, are very nice, but to the ego driven employee, it’s just gravy. The real problem with these folks is that they feel inadequate when they aren’t needed in dire, absolute situations. Even when leaving a job, almost certainly for another where they’ll worm their way into various self-inflating tasks, they usually give a month’s notice before quitting because, “it will be hard to replace me, you know, with all I do there.”{mospagebreak}
The controller is another wayward soul who goes to work with the sole purpose of self-reaffirmation of the stupidity and uselessness of their co-workers. They often start out a work yarn by saying, “You’ll never guess what so-and-so did to the copier today.” While so-and-so may have been unusually stupid, what the controller fails to understand, is that everyone, everywhere is equally as stupid, just in different ways.
Though they probably aren’t as technically accomplished as their ego driven counter parts, they do put in equal hours, usually by writing snarky emails where they list out in great detail via the vagaries of office email protocol all the areas in which another employee is lacking. They also excel by hoarding high profile tasks they can never hope to complete, and probably won’t, but that won’t stop them from trying to blame everyone else on their team. Trust is the main issue for the controller, because he or she has none. Most likely they had one or both parents who were fond of saying,
“If you want something done right, do it yourself.”
Which I basically understand to mean, if someone else fucks up, then I’m gonna blame them, if I fuck up, I’m gonna blame them for not helping.
Let us not also forget that while some in our lives may be these sad, work frenzied people, these people whom I lament are also people with whom WE WORK and whom we probably don’t love and who most deliberately cause more headaches and unnecessary work for us when they can, for all the above reasons, plus many, many more they’re scheming on right this very second, AT WORK.
Fuck those people.
Allow me to close with this mantra- Work should never interfere with your life. I say that with the above caveat of work being a necessary evil. Work should never interfere with the really important aspects of your life- your social activities, love making, playing ball, etc. Work is there so that you can afford nice clothes, condoms or a ball. Giving into the easy excuse of canceling on your friend’s/lover’s because of stupidity at work really shows off your intelligence. We are your friend’s/lover’s. We deserve better from you than a text message explaining your no-show, we demand better when you finally do show up and all the fuck you can talk about is what happened at work. Fuck work, we say. If we are your slash lover’s, fuck us, we say. The term, “workaholic” isn’t a badge of honor. It isn’t even a badge. It’s just a term.