ever have someone tell you to stand up straight? look you in the eye when they're talking?

one man crime wave

I was a one man crime way today.

This afternoon I snuck out of a real boring company lunch — the quality being somewhere between fast food and Chili’s — where the higher ups in the company went around to each table and butted into our conversations saying we should really go into the next room to view the “new company reel.” Fuck that. I took the elevator and went walking near the Bay.

There were tourists everywhere.

I was walking on the other side of the Embarcadero with them. Just enjoying the blue sky. When I saw an advertisement on the K-line shelter that said, “Investors Make the World Go Around,” and it had Charles Schaub’s name on it. I don’t know why, but I went from zero to pissed in a heartbeat. I mean, I just couldn’t believe that shit those fuckers were trying to spoon feed us. These are the same cocksuckers who tanked the economy and they want to stick up advertisements glorifying money? Fuck that.

I was fucking pissed.

I always carry a HardCore ink marker with me. This one was Golden Gate Orange. I crossed to the center of the Embarcadero where the K-line stop is. And say, “excuse me” to the people waiting for the trolley and crossed out “Investors” and put “LOVE.”

As I walked away a lot of the people there kept looking at the advertisement like they didn’t understand it any more.

Later on in the evening I was walking up the the Sanchez stairs to Cumberland where my car was parked. They had just repainted them covering over all the graffiti and tags and shit. They wasn’t a SINGLE MARK on them. Good thing I always carry a Hardcore ink marker.

Real good thing…

But as I was driving home, I had to swerve to avoid a big pothole that a construction crew had left. All their cones and saw horses were knocked over. So I stopped in the middle of the intersection to straighten them all out, but thought better of it. Instead, I just threw them in the back of my car.

I set them up in the intersection near my place while all the old heads who hang out at the corner liquor store watched me.

Then we all stood there drinking beer out of paper bags watching all the cars negotiate the intersection as if they’d completely forgotten how to drive.

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